Mountain Climbing For Lovers: How to Survive the Summit

Mountain climbing is a newfound favorite sport among all ages alike, but has recently garnered an influx of young adults- especially couples and lovers. Beginners without the right state of mind, focus, strength, and intelligence can end up climbing their way to disaster. Even those that reach the summit of the mountain might find themselves so physically, emtionally, and mentally drained that they could die a tragic death.

There happened once in Normandy a famous adventure of two young people who loved each other; both died because of love. To avoid such a sad end to a rather exciting sport, follow these tips to make a successful climb with your lover and survive the summit.

Before the Climb

Advice for Men

1. When a father tells you that you must carry his daughter in your arms to the summit of the mountain without stopping to rest, why even bother? You can always try to prove your worth another way, or just love her from afar and secretly (Check out our article about swans in the Lifestyle Section).

2. If you do decide to make the climb and are hard pressed by love for her, beg her instead to run away with you.

3. If your beloved refuses, saying such things like "my father would be grief-stricken and angry", shut up and listen to her alternative plan.

4. Take the leave of your mistress, and go off to your own country. Supply yourself with rich clothes, money, palfreys and pack mules.

5. Consult with your beloved's aunt, take the magical potion she makes you, and return home wasting no time.

Advice for Women

1. When you have a strict father who doesn't want you to wed, and your beloved asks of you to run away with him, tell him your father "would be grief-stricken and angry".

2. Send your love to your relative in Salerno with a letter from you to her, who's practiced medical arts for so long that she's an expert on medicines.

3. Prepare yourself for the climb, fasting, dieting, and cutting downon your eating to help your lover.

The Climb

Advice for Men

1. Don't forget to bring the potion, that no matter how fatgued you may be, no matter how constrained, or how burdended, will still revive your entire body.

2. Let your lover carry the potion, because your hands will be full.

3. Start at top speed until you get about half-way up the mountain and DONT forget about the magic potion

4. When your lover insists you drink the potion, DONT tell her that you wouldn't stop for any price, not even long enough to take a drink.

5. When you are two thirds of the way up and on the verge of collapsing, TAKE THE POTION.

I REPEAT TAKE THE DAMN POTION

Advice for Women

1. Carry your lover's potion

2. When you are about half-way up the mountain and you notice your lover growing weak, tell him to drink the potion.

3. When you are about two thirds of the way up, TELL HIM TO TAKE THE POTION.

FORCE THE POTION DOWN HIS THROAT

MEN IF YOU STILL DO NOT TAKE THE POTION BY THE TIME YOU'VE REACHED THE SUMMIT THEN YOU WILL DIE AND YOUR LOVE WILL GRIEVE FOR YOU WITH LOUD CRIES AND SHE WILL LAY DOWN AND STRETCH OUT BESIDE YOU AND KISS YOUR EYES AND LIPS AGAIN AND AGAIN AND SHE WILL DIE FROM THE SORROW DEEP IN HER HEART.

So, mountain climbing can be an exciting and immensely challenging climb to accomplish with your lover. Following the advice above, you will have a fun and memorable date with your love.

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