Finals Week Or the Inferno? We can't tell the difference

The week of finals can be downright brutual for college students. Most are so busy studying that they don't have much time to sleep or eat or even shower. They become mere shades of their human existance.

Above the classroom doors as they enter their finals students read:

Abandon All Hope, You Who Enter Here

One walking through the dorm halls can hear the sighs, groans and laments resounding through starless air. Strange languages, horrible screams, words imbued with rage or despair, cries as of troubled sleep or of a torutured shrillness.

You will behold the wretched souls who've lost the good of intellect.

All college students have teeth chattering in their skulls, they call curses on the seed, the place, the hour of their own begetting and their birth. Yikes.

Stage 1: Limbo

It's the weekend before finals. You are in complete denial, somewhere between hell and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. You kind of study (if opening the texbook counts) and kind of watch Netflix.

Stage 2: Lust

You want Christmas break, need Christmas break, thirst for Christmas Break. You can almost taste the sugar cookies and the countless hours of sleep you will catch up on.

Stage 3: Gluttony

You realize that after a whole term, you still have no idea what is going on; so you eat your sorrows away. Open the goldfish and cookies that you have been saving for the entire term and begin mindlessly eating them. After five minutes, you no longer have any more goldfish.

Stage 4: Greed

So you start to get desperate and reach out to other people for their work. You ask to see their notes to “compare,” but you really want to take their work for your own.

Stage 5: Anger

You start to hate your professor and yourself and everyone that you are friends with because they are distracting you from all the work your awful professor gave you that you should have been doing but instead you were watching Netflix.

Stage 6: Heresy

You turn your eyes above and begin to curse any supreme being that could be so cruel as to punish you this way.

Stage 7: Violence

You regret sleeping a lot when a few overachieving friends start making all these arrogant comments about how you are wasting your time and you should have started this stuff a while ago. Tensions are high between everyone and tempers are short.

You're almost there...

#Entertainment